Life is F@#king Hard Sometimes...and this is a good thing!
Commitment Vs. Attachment
The last few months have been really tough.
I have a chronic spinal injury that flares up from time to time. Luckily it doesn’t happen too often, but when it does, like it has been for the last few months, there's lots of pain.
Like a lot.
To the point that every aspect of my life is affected - my sleep, what I can eat, how I’m able to move my body, my bandwidth for socializing, the quality of my work, etc…
The Faith Muscle
I was recently discussing the concept of commitment with my coach. You know, our fortitude to stick with something even when it feels really tough. My mind immediately went to scenarios in my life where I had “failed” at commitment, like the fact that I had gotten a divorce.
She responded with something along the lines of, “It’s interesting the first thing you think of is a time you perceived you failed”.
Humility is Kind of a Super Power
The other day I woke up feeling anxious. My heart was pounding and my mind was ruminating over what seems like a neverending “to-do” list. It took extra effort to get myself out of bed.
Has this ever happened to you? Where life feels overwhelming, but there’s this pressure to perform even though you’re kind of freaking out?
It’s been an interesting couple of months.
I was solo hiking when I rolled my ankle, heard a “pop” and fell to the ground. I couldn’t put any weight on my foot and had to wait for a kind stranger to come along and half carry me back to my car. I drove myself home, only to realize I could barely make it to the house without crawling.
Why Finding Balance Feels Kinda Imbalanced
There are times when I have all these feelings and no way to convey them. Where words seem to fail me, or the song won’t come through, or the painting I attempt doesn’t do anything justice.
Where all I can do is sit in the overwhelm, and do my best to trust in the process.
It’s incredibly uncomfortable…
Courage is Squishier Than You Think
I’m having a bit of a wrestling match with my body right now. It’s been quite the summer filled with travel, friends, family, eating, drinking, laughing and adventuring. It’s like I’ve been spit out of a fun vortex or something, and my body feels a bit imbalanced from the wild ride….
One Nail At a Time
I had this huge “ah hah!” moment the other day. A student in one of the classes I teach shared that the root of the word courage is cor, which is the Latin word for heart. Courage originally meant “To speak one's mind by telling all one's heart.”. I think I literally yelled out, “that makes so much sense!” when she stated that.
Honoring Cycles - The Process of Destruction
I joke that I’m the daughter of a farm boy, which means I’m a little rough around the edges. Not only did my father spend quite a bit of time working the land in his younger years, he went on to become a firefighter, EMT, fire academy instructor and carpenter. My childhood memories reflect a man who worked very hard to support his 4 kids and wife, and who successfully instilled in us a solid work ethic, integrity and faith. It was an unspoken rule in my home that you never complained about being bored, otherwise you’d be tasked with stacking firewood or helping him with a roofing project…
I'm a product of the Patriarchy
The other day a giant excavator came rumbling into our backyard and demolished a shed, plowed over a bunch of vegetation and dug a giant hole right outside the kitchen window....
It's OK. Go ahead and be messy.
I bring all this up not to lay blame or make excuses. I bring it up because I think all of us have moments where we realize our upbringing didn’t teach us certain skills to move through parts of life with ease.
And it’s at these moments that we have a choice.
Rest if you need to rest, dammit
In the name of pragmatism I find myself worrying about stuff. It’s this trick the mind plays. I get lured in by the idea of being prepared and “doing a good job”, then the next thing I know I’m fretting over the tiny details of a sentence structure, obsessing over my bank account, or wondering whether the way I laughed at a joke during a tea meetup sounded weird and made the other person uncomfortable.
The Art of Being Compassionately Selfish (how I survive the holidays)
I'm a little out of it these days.
I recently returned from a silent Vipassanna meditation retreat where I essentially lived like a Buddhist monk for a week and a half. It was one of the most challenging and rewarding experiences I've had in a very long time...
Ways to Chill the Eff Out
I have a love/hate relationship with the holidays...
Unique Tips for Building Yourself Up
My heart was racing, my mind was ruminating, my body kinda felt like it was still in an airplane, my stomach felt off, my back ached...it was no fun.
It's all about the process
I'm not gonna lie. I've been having a serious case of the blues lately. It feels like all my personal demons are jumping up and down demanding that I wrestle with them....
I Need Space: Finding the Yoga Sutras in Dating
My housemates and I recently moved into a beautiful new house and I’m in love with it. Though I appreciate the opportunities of living in a city like Portland, I’m a small town girl at heart, and need quiet and nature on the regular to stay grounded and sane. This new home offers that respite with a big yard, lots of trees and quite a bit of privacy.
Everything is OK...really!
"I need space"
Those words are like a one-two punch to my ego. Especially from someone new I’m dating. Especially when the honeymoon phase is over and we’ve been having some friction and I don’t really know where we stand....
Stop What you're doing
Life is really scary sometimes.
Now I say this from a place of privilege. I have a roof over my head, plenty of food to eat, loving family and friends, and can move throughout my day without having to worry about my general safety. I am so lucky to live the life I have.
That doesn't mean I don't get scared.
Stop for a minute and look around.
What do you notice? What can you see right in front of you? What do you sense? Are there particular sounds or smells? Maybe some feelings, or sticky thoughts perhaps? Is there stuff that, had you not taken a moment, you wouldn't have experienced? Do you notice anything, right at this moment, that you are grateful for? Am I driving you nuts asking you all these questions? :)
I feel like a hot mess today...
As someone who posts a lot of stuff on social media and the internet in general, I think it's really important to share the tough, dark days, as well as the uplifting, light, and exciting days. So here you go - today I feel like shit.